SHAM

Tue, 05 Jan 2010 15:25:07 GMT

oh gosh i'm pathetic.

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 05:12:31 GMT

i don't think, i've ever gotten angry with anyone as much as i have with you. never been nicer to anyone as much as i have with you. never been more understanding to anyone but you. so in the end, i (or maybe we) can't get angry with you (each other) for too long. please don't ever leave me, we've gone through too much together to be apart (fyi, i'm talking about a friend)

on a side note, i've learned to not be too soft & trusting. somehow, now when i recall all the things you told me, they all seemed a little too perfect for me. a little too sincere to me. a little like lies to me now.

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 11:15:48 GMT

for awhile now, i've been living in darkness (literally). i move through the house, sometimes instincts due to many years living in this old place, just walking as it is, sometimes by feeling around the areas. it's like being blind, only you're not. & you get to see light on the other side that you're heading towards. it's really fun, seriously, if you don't think of other things such as paranormal activities. i've always hated the dark, still do really. but sometimes dark is good, it makes you miss the light. & when you're used to it, it isn't that bad really. just like being sad. after awhile, it doesn't feel all that bad. like somehow, you'll starty to detach & wait to see just how low you can go. but falling doesn't necessarily mean you'll break, you'll just pick up from where you left off & move on. maybe to greater heights. i'm not all that confident anymore, i think i'd gotten way over my head this time, maybe that's why when i fall, i fall harder. so now, i'm waiting, waiting to see how low i'll get. then i'll pick myself up, & i'll hopefully move to greater heights. to the brighter other side.

so i spent my day outside today, feeling the awesome chilly breeze & just being around nature. it was awesome really. now i know why buffaloparade's always being so nature conscious. there's nothing better & more therapeutic than mother nature (:

p/s omg, this is the 2nd post today. study study study. after dinner, that is teehee.

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 06:48:23 GMT

Nothing in the real world is as beautiful as the illusions of a person about to lose consciousness.

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 13:50:53 GMT

i'm currently listening to Calendar Girls. somehow no matter how lonely & how much despair i feel, the song just cheers me up in an instant. it's like magic. & it makes me feel worse than i actually miss them & i'm gonna pray damn hard that they'll come back! ): i actually survived an hour studying (HAHA) okay joke but seriously, it's that hard to concentrate. alright, back to marketing. good night world (:

I dreamed I was dying as I so often do
& when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window
Threw my head to the sky
& said whoever is up there
Please don't let me die
But I can't live forever
I can't always be
One day i'll be sand on a beach by the sea
The pages keep turning
I mark off each day with a cross
& I'll laugh about all that we've lost

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 05:22:36 GMT

I Want :

TO GROW MY HAIR OUT -

after reading Fashion Toast's blog entry on the Stolen Girlfriend's Club, i've this immense urge to have long locks so that i can braid them up, country style, i don't mind if it's a small pigtail french braid or whatever, i just can't wait for my hair to grow out so that i can braid them! i've tried to braid my hair yesterday but everytime i took one step strands start to fall out (could totally imagine that by the time i was in school, they'll fall out completely -.-)

GET A BIKE -
so that i can fulfil my fantasies of me riding my fat ass down paris (WITH A BAGEL IN HAND). oh yea, japan too.

START MUGGING -
considering my (very) poor results last year, i guess it's time to buck up & turn mugging mode on. will do anything for good results, like seriously, anything. well, unless it's unorthodox. so my fellow mugger friends, ask me out!

LOSE WEIGHT -
when is this ever going to not appear on my wish/want list...

alright, 4-fuckng-tiring hour of tuition in 1 & half hour time! YAWNSXZXZXZ

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 10:12:26 GMT

R does not speak to either of them that morning, so his mood cannot be judged, but T has decidedly not forgotten. K spends the morning looking over his shoulder and jumping whenever a phone rings, much to T's amusement. He moves to sit across from K and drums his fingertips together, smiling innocently, looking very much like a hawk about to dive in for the kill. S thinks he's seen enough carnage and reaches into his bag, rooting around for a book. He finds instead a strange envelope and pulls it out. It has his name on it in what appears to be K's writing. S looks over at him, questioning, but K's attention is focused on T's presumed attack.

S opens the envelope to discover a photograph and a note. He recognizes the photograph as one he took and realizes that K must have secreted it out of his apartment the night before. It's a candid photo, of everyone laughing, a rare unscripted snapshot of mutual happiness. He unfolds the note.

You belong here.

Here i am, typing away on my laptop, ChoCho evidently too tired to wake up from bed even when i'm not there anymore & seeking warmth from only the blanket. It's evenings like these i love. Reading good (short) stories, listening to good music & feeling like the world has turned to a standstill. It's therapeutic, peaceful, & all my worries, troubles seem to melt away. too soon though. alright, back to the harsh reality.

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 09:12:14 GMT

sham needs :
anger management lessons.

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 12:45:23 GMT

i don't think that i've done anything wrong.

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 12:08:21 GMT

Back not long ago from dinner with the mother since i happened to be around the area when she ended work. had duck rice at bishan, where i used to live. & even though it's been 11 years since we've moved, the hawker centre still looks the same. with it's old school neon light signboards, the same old stores still in business & even the orange fork from the duck rice stall! it felt like i never moved at all. it's nice to know that even with the fast growing pace, some things just stay the same. & it feels so much closer to the heart (: in the past, i would only eat the duck rice, not even the ban mian that the brother liked so much, that was how loyal a patron i was! & although evidently (with the added years), the taste of the duck rice isn't as good as what i remembered it to be, it's after all a dish that i grew up eating. & i felt like i've jumped into a time machine & back to when i was 7 & chomping down the food like it was the most delicious thing i've ever tasted. with my mum constantly nagging at me to eat the duck rice & drink the soup repeatedly. oh, & how can i ever forget the soup. salivating now even when i just had it (:

i used to think that ageing was a glamorous affair, that when i'm in university, i'll dress fashionably & eventually land myself in a pretty stable job. & looking at myself now & how i'd imagine myself now, then, it's like worlds apart haha. here i am at 20, still parading around in my FBTs, still watching cartoons (don't think i'll ever grow outta that thought :D), wearing shorts to school (try spending 30mins everyday thinking of what to wear!), & hating the notion of being an OL eventually. but i would like to think that things turn out to be better, don't you? (:

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 17:41:44 GMT

I was just looking through Sartorialist & i can't help but feel that everytime i look at the people he photographs, i'm inspired (: if only i've the muneyyy & the bod to dress like them ): school started & so far the lectures have been boring, & the word is already an understatement. however, i look forward to school since i've my best mates & school will always lead to lunch & Holland V & that'll in turn lead to Provence where there's rocking bread & TERIYAKI CHICKEN SANDWICH (which rocks my smelly socks, like no other by the way). i can't wait to officially start mugging. i imagine all the late nights at airport/some random macs, as well as the fun we'll have studying. HAHA, omg, this is like so surreal, since studying has never been enjoyable throughout my JC years. i guess the school environment as well as the people you're doing it with counts a lot. & though i've long strayed from God, i still thank him for giving me good friends to help me along the way (:

this has to be one of the longer entries that i've written (now don't go saying that i've not updated at all jan *winks*). alright, can't wait for monday since it's ESAP (the only subject worth looking forward to) although it's in the freaking bloody 830am. & one of the reasons why i look forward to ESAP :

Q : the only reason why i took it was cause i know you like it
S : huh?! then you should've told me! could've chosen something else
Q : doesn't really matter, you like it what
S : then have you thought of your grades? (since humanities has never been her forte)
Q : oh, totally forgot about that. haha, never mind lurrh, pass can already.

i'm looking forward to how she dies during classes (: & how she'll scream bloody murder when she reads the text. :D

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 16:34:22 GMT

i've been having dreams lately, some of them i can still remember vividly. i would believe that my dreams mean something more indepth instead of it being a product of stress/thinking too much. sometimes, i wished some of them came true. they do, actually, but they'r more of deja vus that probably occured for only a few seconds. i think maybe i should buy a book to record my dreams, that would be nice wouldn't it? hahaha.

on one of our most random of conversations, qihui & i came up with the idea of opening up a pet day care (okay, actually i did, she just went along with it). we even started to discuss on the activities we're going to do once we've set it up, & even thinking of learning from experts in another country! i'm quite excited as to how the future will unfold right now. how our future stable jobs will differ from our dreams, how we'll reminisce on once thinking of doing something but how we never got around to & just got stuck with what we have. either that, or should we do fulfil our future dreams, i'd love to see how it ends. genting tomorrow, can't wait! :D

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 04:02:51 GMT

(do not read if you're not ready for another post regarding body weight)

i honestly honestly, hate my body right now. i look at my photos & all i can think about is what a fat & flabby blob i am. seriously. i think i'm going to not eat the whole day. this is depressing. HOW TO BE 44KG LIKE THAT TSK.

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 10:21:52 GMT

fucking unfair. it's times like this i wish i had a sister. fucking sick of your flirtatious ways, maybe that's why i'm who i am now. you're sorry? guilty? like that really helps. words are just words, & you've showed no actions of remorse so far. so go & suck your thumb seriously, fucking hate your gut.

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 05:23:02 GMT

DESPERATELY NEED.TO.LOSE.WEIGHT!!!!!
time to dietdietdiet till i die (or become aneroxic, whichever comes first)
being chubby is depressing/disgusting ):
still aiming for 44 (feels so damn freaking farrrrrrr)

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 11:50:21 GMT

i don't even know half the world anymore.

AYE...

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 08:10:00 GMT

need a new computer. actually, anything. be it desktop, laptop, netbook (even blackberry, yes i'm that desperate). ): my ancient probably even older than i am computer is driving me up the wall, literally. (i couldn't watch my Korean Boys Before Flowers cause it was too slow. swear it took 5 mins to load. okay, don't laugh. & i'm not switching to koreans, i still love Tego very much)

spent the whole day lazing around with ChoCho (best lazing around partner ever) & contemplating to steal this scooter that's permanently abandoned in front of the playground. don't get me wrong, i don't steal on a regular basis, but it's just the thrill & the adrenalin rush i guess... you can stop rolling your eyes now.

spent the whole day oogling at other people's clothes & still think why can't i have their bodies & their wealth. & i humbly pray for money to rain from the sky, someway, somehow.

& i'm thinking that i'm talking to myself but it's okay, if i'm weird i want to share (taken from a song hahaha). this is just an update due to the lack of updates (it rhymes!), & please do watch this space in....... about a month's time? (quote Qihui)Ciaosu!(unquote)

Thu, 21 May 2009 15:09:50 GMT

"time's up, pens down"

i'm still stuck, thinking that all this is surreal.

breathe, breathe

Wed, 20 May 2009 14:59:42 GMT

Chocho's sound asleep on the bed now, after a whole day of following me around while i study, eat or use the computer. as lazy as she is, along with all her bad factors (snoring, yes she snores alright, loudly at that. biting my toes without warning, sniffing so loudly so that you'll know she's outside & she obviously wants you to open the door for her, demanding to be given a royal scratch on her belly & stepping on me as if i was the floor), i never would've thought for a second that she was the most beautiful dog i've ever set eyes on. love you chocho :B

CAN'T WAIT FOR EXAMS TO END TOMORROW

Mon, 18 May 2009 10:28:17 GMT

i'm not a fan of Hollywood, but looking at these photos makes fat me wanna shed 30948023984029 kilograms.

can't wait till exams are over!

Thu, 14 May 2009 08:47:45 GMT

never good enough. period.

Wed, 06 May 2009 15:49:55 GMT

i know i'm suppose to be, at this very moment, mugging my ass off for my Sociology paper which is in less than 24 hours. BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT, i couldn't help but pen down what a peculiar feeling it was, being in the same room & discussing about what bastards/bitches some of our friends are, with my brother. it probably sounds juvenile but if you were to tell me this would happen say, 2 years ago, i probably would've laughed & spit in your face. Saying that it'll never happen in tens of thousand of years later. & it felt good, somehow, to hear him say that "at least you're able to think" (something along those lines). it was good. & i guess that's how sibling love (puke x1000000) feels like?

to anyone who even bothers with this space : be back on 21st (:

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 15:15:57 GMT

a while ago, while i was stuffing my face with food, a fucking disgusting/fat cockroach FLEW IN!!!!!! & then mum - who oh-so-nonchalantly strolled over - just killed it with her trusty slipper! serious, idol of the night hahas. i bet this has something to do with mother's day coming soon. & i'm speculating that my mum probably set the cockroach up in brother's room. HAHA, okay, please don't mind me.

alright, need (trying very much, actually) to get back to the books!

p/s as much as it might sound untrue (because it probably is), i don't fucking give 2 cents about you so please stop sticking your nose into where ever it doesn't belong. hmph

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 09:40:35 GMT

a random (& very much forgettable) conversation that went on a couple of days back between the mother & i

M : so, after so long, you haven't met ___ in school yet?
I : NO LA
M : wah.

& then today i finally met ___ in school. should've drove to school i tell youxz.

family's thinking of getting a new car, & that has caused lots of tensions to spark (mainly between the irritant & i) & a lot of half truths told on both sides (though i'll like to believe that i was right & still am). i just hope things take a better turn soon :/.

exams are in a month's time. STUDY STUDY STUDY!

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 09:10:20 GMT

they say that dogs are natural children lovers, but my dog just proved that theory wrong. when we were taking a walk, & 2 caucasian kids came up to ChoCho. all she did was walk away & pretended that she didn't hear them. HAHAHAAHA, i'm not being sad here, but i really think that that's really cool :D.